Posted by MintedMag on 07 Dec 2012 / 2 Comments
By Jen Clark
Think about this for a moment: How many relationships do you know that are awesome? How many might seem awesome, but you suspect might not be so great? And how many do you know that are just plain miserable? It?s amazing how few people are in satisfying, healthy relationships. Is anyone truly happy anymore?
Most romances start off well enough. Two people meet and fall in love. However, it seems like most eventually fall apart. The fighting starts.? Resentments build. The fires extinguish and both people are left with feelings of disappointments and unmet expectations. Many will break up but some stay together out of fear or obligation. Either way, it?s not a very happy situation.
Amazing relationships are absolutely the exception rather than the rule. However, they are possible. Maintaining and growing the initial feelings of love and attraction can happen. Romance can increase rather than decrease.
So how do we do it? How do we achieve the greatest odds of relationship happiness? There are five components present in any successful relationship and they must exist not just so your love survives, but so that it thrives as well.
Chemistry
In relationships, physical attraction is key. It must be there in the beginning and it?s essential to surviving the road ahead. Women often make the mistake of settling down with a guy who is nice and treats them well despite the fact they aren?t particularly attracted to him. Bad move! It usually isn?t too long before the boredom sets in and she starts fantasizing that her jobless, motorcycle-driving ex wasn?t so awful.? Here?s a good rule of thumb: If you don?t want to kiss him, he?s a potential friend?not a potential boyfriend.
Even if a relationship starts out with two people who are incredibly attracted to each other, the ?spark? will diminish to some degree.? However, you need to make sure it doesn?t burn out completely. Maintaining your own life, maintaining some privacy, and maintaining a ?dating? relationship means that you maintain some ?mystery.?? It?s this ?mystery? that helps keep the chemistry alive. So go out with your girlfriends on occasion. Keep your bathroom rituals private. When he takes you to dinner, put on a dress and some makeup. No matter how old your relationship is, you should always strive to make it feel new.
Compatibility
We typically think that if we have a whole bunch of stuff in common with our guy, that?s what makes us compatible. While it?s not completely untrue, respect for your differences is just as important as your similarities. How do you feel about each other?s worst traits or biggest piece of baggage? If it never changes or gets any better, are you both okay with that? Generally speaking, people come with an ?as-is? policy. Trying to change someone into who or what you want them to be rarely works. Finding someone you can live with and love through their worst moments is what makes for true compatibility.
Compromise
Here?s what you should never compromise: yourself. Your goals, your morality, and your sense of self are non-negotiable.? However, fundamental to successful relationships is the ability to compromise on the ?little things.? There?s got to be some give with your take.
No self-respecting woman would be content with a selfish guy who only cares about his own desires. Likewise, we shouldn?t expect a man to be concerned with our happiness to the exclusion of his. That just isn?t fair. Compromise is healthy compromise if it will ultimately benefit both of you. So if there?s something one of you does that bothers the other, it?s not the worst thing in the world to think about working on it.? While a relationship won?t change who each of you fundamentally is, there?s nothing wrong with allowing it to help you become a better version of yourself.
Communication
The generalization that women talk too much is a cliche because it?s true. When it comes to communication in a relationship, most women would be better off if we focused on quality over quantity. Just because you like to talk to your guy about anything and everything, it doesn?t mean you are a good communicator. Instead, it?s more important that you are able to express yourself to your partner in a way he understands and can be receptive to.
Allowing him the opportunity to be heard (and not interrupting him when he speaks), keeping a cool head when things could become heated, and refusing to go off on tangents when addressing an important issue are all examples of effective communication. If you?re looking to improve communication in your relationship, the best thing you can do is learn how to listen. When he knows you?re willing and able to hear what he has to say and not criticize him for it, he?ll be much more likely to become a good communicator himself.
Commitment
Very few relationships will survive if there?s no end goal. Most couples can?t keep casually dating for years and years with no thought of the future. Whether your ?ending point? is a marriage or a committed partnership, most of us want some sort of articulated commitment. Both of you need to make it clear you?re on board for the long haul. Unless there is some sort of long-term commitment, very few couples are successful at achieving a long-term relationship.
One of the biggest relationship myths is that when it?s ?right,? it?s ?easy.? Not even close. Relationships are difficult and require the continual effort and energy of both people. A great love doesn?t mean that it won?t require work. It will. However, when you do find it,? you should be inspired to do the work. And that work becomes more of a joy than a burden.
Source: http://www.mintedmag.com/2012/12/five-components-of-a-healthy-relationship/
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