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BREAKING: Bain Capital Acquires Romney Campaign | dagblog

Romney for President, Inc., today announced that Bain Capital, LLC, a leading global private investment firm, has completed its purchase of the organization. The total value of the transaction is $53 million.

Romney for President is a leading Boston-based provider of political strategy, public relations, and fundraising services. It was founded in 2011 by Mitt Romney, former Governor of Massachusetts and an original founder of Bain Capital, with the goal of electing Romney President of the United States.

"The completion of the sale is a significant milestone in our campaign's history," said Stuart Stevens, Romney for President's Chief Campaign Strategist. "We enter this new phase of our growth and development with a new name ? Mittata Intelligence ? and a renewed commitment to excellence, innovation, and federal budget reduction."

"Mittata Intelligence is the preeminent supplier of conservative policy prescriptions across a broad array of fields, including economics, foreign policy, and cultural and religious affairs," said Steve Zide, a Managing Director at Bain Capital. "We believe that Republican politics is a growth market, and we are enthusiastic about the company's long?term potential."

Bain Capital has a strong track record of purchasing troubled companies and partnering with the management team and employees to build significant value. Romney for President has suffered from a series of strategic errors and operational flaws that has caused its value to plummet in recent weeks. The company is also reported to be $11 million in debt as a result of over-expansion and mismanagement.

According to the terms of the agreement, founder Mitt Romney will step down as Candidate in Chief, although he will retain an informal advisory role with the company. The company's international headquarters will be transferred from Boston to George Town, Grand Cayman, in order to reduce costs and regulatory overhead.

"Mitt has been with the company since its inception, and it was not easy to let him go," said Stevens. "But this campaign is not afraid to make tough choices."

ABB Robotics, a Swiss robots manufacturer, is a co-investor in the acquisition deal. The Zurich-based company will provide technology to automate a number of the company's operations, including photo opportunities, public speeches, comedic entertainment, and handshakes.


MITT-BOT 5000

"Human error is the greatest limitation in the field of politics," said ABB CEO Joseph Hogan. "With robotic candidates, we can eliminate embarrassing gaffs and inept jokes at a lower cost point than human talent. While robots cannot yet achieve the full range of human emotion, we believe that the public will be unable to tell the difference between Mittata's former candidate and our cutting edge prototype, the MITT-BOT 5000."

Governor Mitt Romney could not be reached for comment. A spokesperson said that he was driving to Canada for a family vacation.

Michael Wolraich is the author of?Blowing Smoke: Why the Right Keeps Serving Up Whack-Job Fantasies about the Plot to Euthanize Grandma, Outlaw Christmas, and Turn Junior into a Raging Homosexual

Source: http://dagblog.com/humor-satire/bain-capital-acquires-romney-campaign-14840

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